On Mother's Day- Love, Loss & Legacy
Photo By Dallas Curow
As we near our launch of Pura Baby and Mommy, I'm forever immersed in two worlds- Pura & Motherhood. I can barely believe it'll be three years since I lost my own mother to her battle with MS. Especially as the summer approaches, there are these quiet reminders all over the city; landmarks we visited, roads we repeatedly travelled on, illuminated by the sunshine and soundtrack of our lives. A song on the radio that brings me right back. If I could just be that 6-year-old girl in the passenger seat of my mom's car running mundane errands with her. That's the thing... it's not the big life events I go back to. It's the everyday conversations and moments that continue to glow like precious embers in my mind.
As I raise three children of my own, I know the fundamental role I play in their lives. Right now, at ages 2,4, and 6, I am the centre of their universe. It wont always be this way, but for now, this is where we're at. The heartache of losing my own mother, has made me aware of creating my own legacy, and how they will remember me when I'm gone. As mothers, we always want to give our children so much to build them up and ensure they can stand on their own two feet when we're not around. It's not the birthday parties I throw for them, or the holidays we go on that define our bond. Sometimes, the expectations we put on ourselves can inflict stress and guilt, especially when we are working full-time or nurturing other areas of our lives while balancing motherhood. It's the small things that make up the big picture that define us as mothers. At thirty-four, my mother is still a part of my centre. My rock in which I have built up and outwards.
Yesterday, I got home from Pura and crouched down next to my 4-year-old son, Cove, to help him carve out a road in our sandbox after it had just rained. I was cold, hungry, still wearing my high-heel shoes, and my mind was swarming with a crazy to-do list. He looked up when we were done and said, "That's the best road I've ever built mom. You're my best girl." MELT. It was a flicker of time, but a little more gratitude and love forever engrained in his soul, and in mine too.
It's the choice we make to be alive in the moment, and to understand that when we're gone, all our children will have are flashes of the way you made them feel. Visions of your love encapsulated in ordinary moments, you made extraordinary without even really thinking about it. We can't always be the best versions of ourselves, but we can try to show them how to be kind to themselves by being gentle to ourselves.
In the depths of grief, I still think, how can I be on this earth without my mother? Losing her just feels so surreal, so final. But then there are those days when I do something or say something, and I can feel her presence, and her spirit so deeply within me. This is when I truly understand that our children are our greatest legacy.
As mother's, everyday feels like a marathon. Many of us are juggling professional demands and the expectations of keeping a home, nurturing a marriage or relationship, not to mention, the need to still maintain some sense of ourselves outside or before motherhood. There are also new distractions that pull us away from the moment too, especially our phones and social media. Time suckers. Life has never felt busier or more overwhelming. I think it's important to show our children the joy of unplugging, and cultivating happiness by focussing on the abundance of simple pleasures and rituals. Morgan, my six-year-old daughter, pruned all the dead fall off my perennials in the backyard yesterday, and then gave them each a douse of water. She felt accomplished, and connected to nature. It was one less thing off my to-do list too. When they want to help. Let them. My mom loved to clean! Crazy lady. She'd even have me rub mayo into all the house plant's leaves so they'd SHINE. It was a monthly ritual. It was weird, but I loved it. It makes me laugh now. (I can't say I've carried this tradition forward.)
This Mother's Day, think about doing something simple and fun, like reflecting on your favourite memories of the year together. Jot them down on paper, fold them up, and stuff them into a mason jar. Even add a few lovely trinkets, bits and baubles, or a small possession from each family member. Mist it with your favourite perfume before closing it, and open it next Mother's Day to continually savour those special memories. Creating rituals and traditions is the best way to cultivate unforgettable memories. It's the best gift you can give them now and forever. Happy Mother's Day from myself, and all of us at Pura.